 |
Life is so complicated that people end up defining life as 'everything that happens to us from birth to death'. While some expect how (please take note of all emphases - quotes and italics - here) life should be lived, others see life as everything that happens. These are things which they claim are meant to be. Whether or not we should question life's happenings, remains an unsolved problem (not everyone wants to question life!). That's why you keep seeing people do things that are absolutely out of your own world; things you wouldn't even dream of doing. One man's food becomes another man's serious poison. Therefore, whether masturbation is good or not, remains a relative thing, except you bring in different belief systems into play. In this day's read, I shall try as much as I can to be critical. I neither want to be religious nor secular in this work. But the end product of this work shall be the truth (although a difficult thing to define in this present age). That aside.
Quickly and straightforward, masturbation is when you touch your genitals (sexual organs) in order to experience sexual pleasure. From the use of cream to soap, from dildo or fingers, people stimulate their genitals to the very best they can. Some do this because they're single, others do it because they're not close to their partners at the moment; some do it because they're sexually too active that no amount of sex with their partner can satisfy them; others do it because they're depressed, and the list looks like it's never ready to end (let me also add this: just the same way people drink, smoke, play music at its highest volume ever or break home items out of anger, etc, people actually masturbate out of frustration and anger, just to calm them down afterwards. Sounds ridiculous and illogical, though. In reality, people have different things that work for them at different points. So while drinking makes you calm and relieved, masturbation does that for others. It's all about what you think of the act you just committed). Finally, people masturbate because they're addicted to it!
Whether masturbation has any side effects or not, still remains a question fervently asked, and within it lies possible answers earnestly sought by all patrons. The Internet, published and unpublished materials, medical journals, etc. are replete with diverse views aired by researchers and those who've practised the act, some supporting the supposedly health benefits of masturbation; others condemning the act out-rightly. While the first set of people will only caution that one masturbates 'responsibly'; the latter set of proponents settle with what might be seen as negative spiritual and health effects of masturbation. They tell you not to masturbate at all no matter your reasons. These I call the moralists. But guess what? Attempting to explore the controversies surrounding the act of masturbation in this piece, would mean writing the longest thing on this blog. Never my dream! All I have to do today is to see whether masturbation is a sign of unfaithfulness. People do ask: is masturbation an act of unfaithfulness? While you think of your answer(s), let's go through these.
To begin, let's consider two questions that are imperative here: (1) Why do people go into a relationship? (2) What is faithfulness? Again, I know these two questions are capable of retrieving personal, relative, individual answers from all humans. For example, people can start a relationship for one reason or the other - reasons possibly peculiar to everyone. After all, people marry just to get a visa and nothing more! However, the following are the core reasons why two hitherto strange people bring themselves to the level of 'lovers': (1) for companionship - humans are social creatures; naturally made to be in need of others. They just need someone by their side, someone who's very close to them, someone who's not their blood. (2) for sexual pleasure - biology says humans must have sex; it's part of the human nature, you know. (3) for help - someone who will provide your needs. What do you think. Is there anything you feel I've left out of the list? Please mention them in the comments box below.
On the other hand, the meaning of faithfulness is supposed to be relative to who's defining it. Here, Dove's Heart defines it thus: being faithful means being satisfied with what someone/something provides for, or tells, you. It is your ability to feel contented with what you've been offered, or what you've got, or you've been asked to do. Your ability to be satisfied (faithful) comes only when you've decided to be satisfied; it's a conscious thing. Faithfulness isn't achieved by mistake. If you and your partner meet, but one of you decides to go out for another sexual pleasure, that person is not faithful, not satisfied, not contented. If your parents ask you to remain in school till tomorrow when they'll send you some money, but you decide to go robbing or prostituting that night just to get extra money, then you're not faithful to your parents! Strange? Maybe not. But you may want to ask and rightly so: what if you neither rob nor prostitute, but get some fruits, sell them and make some extra cash? Are you being unfaithful or dissatisfied? No. But you just did something 'good' on top of what was given to you, and your parents will be pleased (in philosophy, the morality of an action?). It's just like when you take care of your health and diet so as to please your spouse in bed. That added, positive advantage (even the Bible commands that Christians go an extra mile in doing good).
Again, let's consider this: being faithful means affording people - your spouse or any other benefactor - the opportunity to rely on you. In other words, if I know that my wife/husband is faithful to me, they've automatically made me rely on them, trust them, and believe absolutely in them. For the single fact that they are satisfied/faithful/contented or they're very much ok having me, that alone makes me know that without me they can't get satisfaction anywhere else; without me nothing else pleases them the way I do and; they have no substitute for me. So what's the reverse? If someone can find something else to substitute for you, then you're not 100% relevant to them again. Masturbation is substituting your partner for some cream, soap, and objects - sometimes other people's photos and adult videos!! Would you like your partner to take pleasure in these things instead of taking pleasure in, and being satisfied with, you? Or do you think masturbating is same thing as 'going extra mile to do good', as illustrated above? Please share your thoughts and sharpen each other in the comments section below.
Again, let's consider this: being faithful means affording people - your spouse or any other benefactor - the opportunity to rely on you. In other words, if I know that my wife/husband is faithful to me, they've automatically made me rely on them, trust them, and believe absolutely in them. For the single fact that they are satisfied/faithful/contented or they're very much ok having me, that alone makes me know that without me they can't get satisfaction anywhere else; without me nothing else pleases them the way I do and; they have no substitute for me. So what's the reverse? If someone can find something else to substitute for you, then you're not 100% relevant to them again. Masturbation is substituting your partner for some cream, soap, and objects - sometimes other people's photos and adult videos!! Would you like your partner to take pleasure in these things instead of taking pleasure in, and being satisfied with, you? Or do you think masturbating is same thing as 'going extra mile to do good', as illustrated above? Please share your thoughts and sharpen each other in the comments section below.
Back to the subject. Like I said earlier on, someone who masturbates is automatically unfaithful. But there's a strong question against this opinion: what if I'm single and I masturbate, am I being unfaithful? Unfaithful to who? For those who didn't understand that question, let me re-frame it: if someone is single (not in any relationship) and the person masturbates, do you think that person is unfaithful? If your answer is 'yes', then to whom is he/she unfaithful (knowing very well the person is single)? Again, there are suggestions people masturbate because they're having issues in their relationships. Well, while that stands absolutely true, it's safe to also note this: that one masturbates doesn't mean that one has issues in one's relationship. No. In fact, the strongest lovers on earth could masturbate. But what it shows is that you're NOT satisfied/contented with your partner's sexual pleasure given to you.
Or, you may also argue that you don't cheat on your partner, simply because you've never slept with someone else, you've never kissed another person, or you've never had any sexual pleasure with another person other than your partner. Nice one. But may I inform you that by simply sex chatting, visiting your ex for some reason against the wish of your partner, chatting and deleting messages, you're already (arguably) cheating? (Read more about cheating). Two, judging from the argument in the previous paragraph, that you masturbate might mean you're cheating. This is simply because you've found another means of replacing the sexual pleasure your partner gives you. Following this assertion, unfaithfulness would then mean replacement (masturbation) of the original thing (your partner). In relationship talks, however, cheating is a complex term to define as it has to do with breaking of a partner's rules, or rules guiding a relationship. So your partner or your relationship might no regard masturbation as cheating.
Or, you may also argue that you don't cheat on your partner, simply because you've never slept with someone else, you've never kissed another person, or you've never had any sexual pleasure with another person other than your partner. Nice one. But may I inform you that by simply sex chatting, visiting your ex for some reason against the wish of your partner, chatting and deleting messages, you're already (arguably) cheating? (Read more about cheating). Two, judging from the argument in the previous paragraph, that you masturbate might mean you're cheating. This is simply because you've found another means of replacing the sexual pleasure your partner gives you. Following this assertion, unfaithfulness would then mean replacement (masturbation) of the original thing (your partner). In relationship talks, however, cheating is a complex term to define as it has to do with breaking of a partner's rules, or rules guiding a relationship. So your partner or your relationship might no regard masturbation as cheating.
Back to the important question raised two paragraphs above. If someone is single yet masturbates, does it means he/she is unfaithful? I say yes. How? If you're single yet engage in masturbation, you're not only showing lack of self-control; you're also prone to the whims of dissatisfaction and unfaithfulness, whether now or in the future. I know for sure it's very hard to convince people in today's world when it has to do with the issue of human freewill. If I told you that smoking's not good, you would tell me it's your choice to smoke. The government makes it worst by acknowledging this a fundamental human right. But in every cigarette pack, the manufacturer tells you that the so so and so ministry of health warns that smokers are liable to die young. Yet, government gives you the 'right' to smoke. Same thing applies to masturbation and every other thing humans enjoy as 'right' (again, a moral question of what is and what should be).
Masturbation might not directly harm you as many medical writings say, but in truth, and mostly applicable to those in a relationship, it shows you're not faithful to your partner's pleasure (my concern here is you and your relationship, not you and your health). If you cook for your spouse but they prefer eating from someone else's pot, dear, your spouse is not satisfied with you or your cooking and it calls for concern. In same vein, if your partner masturbates, it calls for concern; you're supposed to please them, not those objects and creams! So for single people who masturbate, though it's hard to conclude or generalise, I would group you as potentially unfaithful people; people who might not easily be satisfied (people argue, anyway, that those who masturbate actually know best how to tell their partners to please them. Could be true. But it still doesn't erase the fact that you're replacing your partner with some dildo, cream, adult video, someone's photo, etc). Arguably, you might say, too, that you're masturbating now, and that you won't do it again once you're in a relationship. Well, that doesn't stop it being wrong for you to harm yourself.
Did the above make any sense to you? If yes, let's proceed. I'm taking my time to make these analogies, clarifying things about masturbation in relation to our relationships, because I know for sure there are still some people out there who earnestly seek the truth, no matter how much it hurts them. These people are few in our world today. There are people who would stop smoking only if someone told them the truth, no matter how much they enjoyed smoking or how much of their right smoking seemed to them. These are the people who hunger for things beyond the everyday roller-coaster life we live. I'm writing this for them and them alone: masturbation is an act of unfaithfulness, and dissatisfaction. It shows you're not contented with what your partner has to offer you. In fact, at times, it makes you use other people's photos and videos to please yourself sexually. You don't need to be told that's a show of infidelity! Instead of trying to please yourself, train your partner on how they can satisfy you naturally. Or, what do you think? Share your thoughts with us.
Thanks a lot for the time spent here.
 |
Did the above make any sense to you? If yes, let's proceed. I'm taking my time to make these analogies, clarifying things about masturbation in relation to our relationships, because I know for sure there are still some people out there who earnestly seek the truth, no matter how much it hurts them. These people are few in our world today. There are people who would stop smoking only if someone told them the truth, no matter how much they enjoyed smoking or how much of their right smoking seemed to them. These are the people who hunger for things beyond the everyday roller-coaster life we live. I'm writing this for them and them alone: masturbation is an act of unfaithfulness, and dissatisfaction. It shows you're not contented with what your partner has to offer you. In fact, at times, it makes you use other people's photos and videos to please yourself sexually. You don't need to be told that's a show of infidelity! Instead of trying to please yourself, train your partner on how they can satisfy you naturally. Or, what do you think? Share your thoughts with us.
Thanks a lot for the time spent here.
No comments:
Post a Comment