Can You Be Faithful Without Being Conscious?

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Hi guys! Have you ever faced one of the most unwanted relationship problems, cheating? Maybe you've cheated on someone, or they rather cheated on you. How concerned were you (or are you still) that such happened (or is still happening)? Many have committed suicide, murder, and all sorts of atrocities for simply being cheated on, or cheating on someone else (feeling of guilt?). On the other hand, are you the kind that's more concerned with attributes and personal qualities than money and cars? Then finding a faithful partner is one wish you worry heaven about. Truly, to real lovers, there's been nothing as sweet as finding a partner who remains ever truthful to you. It's priceless. It gives you peace of mind. You sleep very well knowing that no one is cheating on you out there. But can humans actually remain faithful? That's a very, very big concern.

You've been dating him/her for a long time now and you could easily swear over their innocence and faithfulness to you. When you finally found out they've been cheating on you, what was your reaction? Hell on you? Wanted to end their life? Speechless and weak? Thought of ending your life instead? Or you rather made a decision not to ever trust again, or not to ever go into a relationship again? Such is life...and many have faced different things that you can't stand hearing. To answer the question, can humans actually remain faithful?, let's consider a few things:

a. economics says human wants can never be satisfied (fact)

b. the Bible says we should not trust humans (fact)

c. the Bible says again that the human heart is wicked (fact).

Nothing scares me more than these three popular quotes, as they are true! They scare me because each time I hear them, I'm quickly reminded that my partner must be looking for many other ways outside of me just to get satisfied. That's cheating on me! Too, if I can't trust humans, then I definitely shouldn't trust my partner either. They could be cheating on me out there! Lastly, if the human heart is wicked, then my partner is very much likely going to hurt me! Worst, if you've ever suspected your partner, or they've ever cheated on you but you forgave them, then hearing and thinking about these three great quotes will only get you more worried; they'll sure remind you of what happened, and what's likely happening or going to happen. Now ain't that scary? Besides cheating, these three quotes mean someone out there could be planning evil against you. But since this is too broad and outside the scope of this talk, I beg to limit this discussion to the issue of relationship only. Sit back and think sincerely about everything you've seen, done, or heard about your relationship - is there any proof that someone's been cheating somewhere without you knowing (or were you cheating on your partner)?

One sure step to solving a problem is knowing the problem first. The three factual quotes are problems that need to be solved. "Human wants are never satisfied", exposing humans to the endless desire to want to explore the world for more opportunities, good or bad. So "trust no humans" for "the heart of man (generic term) is wicked". But sincerely speaking, any human who knows and believes these three quotes - maybe out of experience or information - and as well recognises his/her own weaknesses, and ever ready to change his/her life, will overcome the whims of these quotes! For sure, human wants cannot be satisfied but humans can be contented with what they have. For sure, we shouldn't trust any human but we can learn to be sincere and earn trust. For sure, the heart of man is wicked but we can learn to pursue good at all times, making our hearts good. Now, this is no attempt to be religious. But these are the practical problems we all face in our day-to-day relationships in a scientific world as ours.

I tell you this: it was my awareness of these problems that made me to sit down and tell myself "it's time to take some decisions: I will never lie again, I will never cheat on my partner if I have one, I will never be bought with what I'm lacking, I will never do something that will put me into trouble tomorrow". I've lived this way ever since, and many find peace being around me (although some rather give me evil for my good!). In any case, one thing is sure and it's what I craved for: I have peace of mind! If I'm not hurting someone, if I'm not doing anything cunning at your back, then I shouldn't be worried. Clean hands means clean life. It means I can exist alone peacefully, especially if I was with a partner who's not the type I am and never ready to change. So it's personal peace I've got. I'm sure not perfect - not even close to it - but I'm fast going above the human deficiency seen in those three quotes. It's the life I wanted, the life I worked for, the life I've now got. It's my choice to be good! What's yours?

From the above, you realise that there's unwavering need for you to be conscious in your pursuit of faithfulness. Cheating, it's been said time and time again, is not only about sleeping with, kissing or romancing someone that's not your partner: those flirty text messages, chats and communications you have  with someone or people outside your relationship/marriage and wouldn't want your partner to know about, have already qualified you as a cheat. Congrats! But know from today that you can't be faithful to your partner if you're not conscious of the things you do. Never! You have to consider the existence and validity of the three quotes above. Now you know the kind of world we all live in. In that shock, it's left for you to find out means to stay faithful. So it's a conscious effort; never by mistake. How, then, can you use your consciousness to avoid cheating on your spouse?

1. Time to put your partner first before others - this doesn't mean your family comes second, or that you should always follow what your partner wants at the expense of your family. No! It means, when people - even your loved ones - try to make you hurt your partner, remember your partner is one with you in spirit and in flesh. That's why, to start with, you should have a 'good' partner who has good wishes. You and your partner must be compatible. There're instances I would rebuke my family in my relationship, there're instances I would rebuke my partner - all is for the benefit of the two sides. But how do you know what's right or wrong when you don't seek wisdom? Question!

2. Be ready to lose your friends who want to involve you in anything that will affect your faithfulness to your partner. Many will dislike you and call you names for being faithful, or for not enjoying your life simply because of your partner. Last time I checked, it was your relationship, not theirs!! You have a coordinated dream and relationship than they have. So protect it.

3. The Golden Rule still works - do to your partner what you wish them do to you. If you can't stand them cheating on you, why cheat on them? Just why?!

4. Are you a Christian, always pray for God's grace. This may sound unscientific. But it's key. That's why I referred it to the Christian fold. I backed my mission up with constant prayers for grace. It worked for me. 'Pray' and 'work' your faithfulness out!

5. Be mindful of what you hear, read, see, etc. The things you absorb are the thinks you think of, and they in turn will affect the things you do and, ultimately, telling who you are.

6. Time to learn how to say a big NO to people. Are you invited for some party or clubbing somewhere. Your partner doesn't like it? Tell your friends you ain't coming. Period! People shouldn't control you again. Are you in a relationship and people out there are still disturbing you? It takes not a second to tell someone an affirmative NO! Telling them 'I will think about it', 'time will tell', 'we can be friends', etc have already shown how much value you place on your current relationship. The tone with which you attack someone tells what your intentions are. There's a way you warn an intruder and the person understands clearly that you're not interested in them. Don't be soft towards intruders; they're enemies of your relationship! Don't visit them and don't let them visit you. You shouldn't be picking intruders' calls, you shouldn't be chatting with them, you shouldn't accept their gifts, else they get you. Avoiding a problem is better than trying to repair it. So stop playing indifferent.

7. Be satisfied with what you have - be satisfied with your date's beauty and financial level and all they stand for, while working together on making things better for you two. Your relationship is your project. Handle it with the best care there is. Like a Facebook follower put it, 'lest you didn't know, no matter how beautiful, handsome, rich, intelligent you are, it can't stop a cheating partner from cheating on you. If in doubt, ask people who have got the experience'. You sure can't have everything and everybody in the world to yourself. Who has ever done that? No one! So why jump from one place to the other? You can't even have the best. You think that person you're jumping to is the best? Better think again. They're most likely someone's 'ex'; someone has at one point or the other declared them as not the best. Many people actually have the best partners at hand, but get fooled so much so that they start flirting and lose what they got. The word best in your relationship is a matter of how you define your thing. If you see your partner as the best thing that's ever happened to you, be joyful and truthful to them. You can't see anybody out there the world has generally agreed as the best man or woman. Never will it happen, guys. And if you think you can keep playing on them, remember that someone out there is praying to have that partner of yours. Once your partner is snatched away from you - and if the snatcher happens to treat them well - then you'll understand how useful they were to you. Ask those who are yet to recover from the regret they got when their partners got stolen due to their insincerity and flirty lifestyles. Don't joke with your love!

8. Let people know what you stand for - nearly all my friends know I don't lie. The day I knew this I was in tears. There's an argument and they all came to me and one of them said "you're the one to solve this case because you don't lie...I know you don't lie...we all know that". I smiled and said what was true. Later in my quiet time I shed tears. I cried because it was surprising my little effort had become so pronounced that people starting noticing what I stood, and still stand, for. I'm not a party type so they don't even bother inviting me for parties. Things I wouldn't like you to do to me, I sure can't do them to you. It has saved me and many around me. I feel like a victor whenever I'm appreciated for these qualities of mine, because I know what it took me to build them. Not only did the idea feel useless and unachievable at the start; I also felt it wouldn't be noticed by anyone. Today, my family knows where I belong...and you can't put allegations on my head unnecessarily lest you miss it. It's a decision that we all need to make as social beings. The world would fast be a better place!

9. Since you know how evil the world is, and how unreliable humans are, it's your duty to set yourself free from that category of humans. I hate it when people say they're not perfect and they're not trying to be perfect...or they're not looking for a perfect relationship and all that. No! That's why we suffer and do things we shouldn't do. Seek perfection and you might just get to be good. During my small beginnings on character building, I read more of metaphysical stuffs. I used to wonder why things of the spirit were always seen as 'better than humans'. Too, as a Christian, I read in the Bible that I was created a 'god'. So I sat down and thought about the three popular quotes above and made up my mind: 'I need to be like a god, if gods are super-humans. Even if I can't be perfect, I will definitely be better than many human beings on earth. I need to break or reduce to its last bit that human imperfection curse on my life'. In fact, as I was growing up, I used to say I would be an ascetic. Today I might not be not an ascetic, but I've sure landed myself on a pedestal of attributes many humans can't posses. I love being sincere in all things, and it has helped me to overcome nearly every (social) problem. I'm the quiet type, I think a lot and I love being corrected truthfully, no matter how much it hurts me. If you're not stained, you won't need to hide your chats, calls, and stuffs like that from your partner. When you start cheating, you start getting scared of being caught. Every ant that moves makes your heart pant for breathe. Such a lifestyle is suicidal to me; I would just die if I lived this kind of life...and that's not funny.  I'm in love with sincerity. When you're innocent, you're free from problems! Hashtag.

10. Date and marry the right person. That person must be seen as your best friend in that relationship. Respect them and constantly ask them what you can do to improve. Talk to each other about how to improve, not how to have sex or live flamboyant life (for those who want a good and lasting stuff, sex and flamboyant life won't save your relationship or marriage).

11. Start the action now! Don't read and continue thinking you will stumble on a faithfulness candy someday. Naaaah. You must take action now and start being faithful. 

From the foregoing, you can see how stressful it is to be faithful and perfect (impossible to achieve, though, but you sure can be near and good). A lot of things need to be sacrificed. In a relationship, once more, the idea of 'I' doesn't exist. What exists is 'we'. Have you ever come across the biblical saying that 'all things may be good for you, but not all things are profitable for you'? In life, you may want your freedom to enjoy and do all things. But certainly, not all things will profit your life and your relationship's health. So you should dump your individual sentiments and build your relationship, once you're compatible to go. From my experience, I've had lots of ups and downs...even from people who should never treat me bad. However, I've trained myself and found out what's involved in the road to being faithful that, I must say it, I'm ever scared of being in a relationship! Why? Because (1) economics says human wants can never be satisfied - will my partner ever be satisfied having me? (2) the Bible says we should not trust humans (fact) - does my partner deserve to be trusted? (3) the Bible says again that the human heart is wicked (fact) - how  much of good does my partner think of me? Lest you didn't know, your partner has told you nearly as many lies as the truths they've told you. Experience! A lot of things happen at your back that, if revealed, might cause you heart attack. Humans are too insincere, making life the hell we see today.

I know that overcoming these evil attributes of humans takes a whole lot. I personally have known all this, accepted it all as true, accepted my weaknesses, and decided to build myself to ride above the human nature. It's hard, but achievable or at least, near achievable. From my experience and the nature of humans, it's only a few people who are ready and willing to be faithful in this life. It scares me!  Life ain't safe. Is it? But it can be safe, and that's why I write these things for you to know and follow. Be conscious so you can be faithful. Cheating is not a mistake; it's something you just decide to do. Were you not hiding? Were you not lying? Were you not scared? So why think it was a mistake? You decided to cheat. If we're all conscious of our desire to be faithful, some nasty incidents we regret wouldn't be taking place: some rape cases wouldn't happen, someone getting drugged would be, being arrested by the police wouldn't come by, being infected or killed wouldn't meet you. Be conscious, be faithful, and see yourself overcome a lot of things! These are sincere insights from the peaceful Dove's Heart.

Thanks for reading and I know you can't help but share this. 

I wish you a great day ahead!