First breaking news of the day is that, your courtship has a very high influence on your marriage. The way you handle your courtship, the way you move into the marriage stage from your courtship stage, the decisions you make during your courtship, mean a lot. Your courtship can define your marriage. It's capable of ruining your marriage or blessing it. It's capable of making you regret ever getting married to your partner, or it makes you hunger for more of them. Don't wait until you get into the marriage stage before you try to make things right. Are you planning on getting married? Do you have someone who is planning? Then this is just for you. Send it to them if you're caring enough.
As a peaceful bird with a kind heart, Dove brings to you some things you should (not) do while in the courtship stage. Find a serene, natural and possibly solitary environment, sit back and feel the bliss that follows in reading this. You're about to hear some hard truth!
As a peaceful bird with a kind heart, Dove brings to you some things you should (not) do while in the courtship stage. Find a serene, natural and possibly solitary environment, sit back and feel the bliss that follows in reading this. You're about to hear some hard truth!
To start with, some vital questions must be asked. One, what is courtship? Two, how long should the courtship stage last? Three, is courtship morally right? The last question has been included because it's been a religious/ethical debate in some quarters. Of course, we might not have the ultimate conclusion on this last question, but our contribution will definitely prove useful. Having said that, let's get it started.
Courtship is different from dating. Dove tells you that courtship is that period when you are ready to get married, and you decide to be in a formal, open relationship with someone you potentially agree to get married to. Ladies and gentlemen, you must be 'ready' for it. It's the vice president to marriage and hence, not a child's play. It's not dating. It's 'formal' and 'open' because you're not expected to hide it from your mum and dad, uncles, aunts, pastors, etc. Lol. They have to know about it, except you're hiding something for security reasons. Too, it's 'potential' because after courtship, you can still decide not to marry the person, based on negative or incompatible things you've found out about them. It must be limited to a period of time, and marriage is it's sole goal. Dating, on the other hand, is that express relationship you have with your partner, whether you're ready to marry this century or not. Dating has no limit and has no marriage as sole goal. This is the anything-goes, people's favourite (although some people date really better than the married ones).
The second question, how long should courtship last? is something that has faced more debates among (Christian) humans than the white dominated papacy has. Majority of African Christians, in their quest for a God who sits in heaven and directs e-v-e-r-y aspect of their lives, always want to have a 'righteous' relationship/marriage. I've been asked severally how long 'Christian courtship' should last? So it's very common seeing their churches debate the required duration of courtship. Without much ado, courtship should begin when you're ready and have made up your mind to get married, till the point you're married. You can't sentence yourself to bearing a ring for two years in the name of courtship. That's slavery! You're certainly not acting Lord of the Rings. You must be ready - financially, morally, age wise (I have no age in mind, though. But my 20yrs old son cannot tell me he wants to marry. Lol), emotionally ready - before you approach someone for courtship. You just must be mature in age. Experience matters, although experience comes in diverse ways. In my opinion, age wise, I would accept a man of 25yrs up and a lady of 23yrs up. Please, that's just my opinion.
Lastly, is courtship morally right? Maybe I should first inform you that morality is one problem man is yet to solve. Who defines what's right? How do we judge what's right and what's wrong? What and whose yardstick should we use? Every religion has its own yardstick. Those who belong to no religion, too, have their own yardsticks. The problem continues! *smiles*. For instance, as Talia Kennedy put it, nobody was in courtship in the Bible. I don't know about any other religion, and no intention to dig further for yardsticks. But suffice it to say that if you're ready for marriage, then you're morally right to start courting. But what you do while in that courtship determines the rightness or wrongness of your courtship. Word! No other better way to say it than that. Is there? Curious people will love to ask: at what point do we know we're 'ready' for marriage? Please read paragraph 6 of this piece again. That being said, what should you (not) do when in your courtship? I don't like bothering my readers with lengthy talk. It's been lengthy already. So I'll just make it brief as seen below.
During your courtship period, you should:
1. Know Everything There is to Know About the Person - their past life, their present, and their future prospects. Don't allow their past relationship(s) to bother you much. Rather, be concerned with your relationship with the person and what tomorrow holds for you two. Courtship is not the period to start 'finding out' how good someone is in bed. To God's people, you don't want to make this mistake. Your partner wants it by force? Back off! To those without God, it's a free world, a world of choice. Too, courtship is not a time for you to turn a desperate beggar before your partner, expecting them to be the messiah in times of your material needs. Please grow up. Use this period to know their likes and dislikes and how to cope with them. It's the best period to study your potential spouse (although no amount of study can reveal 100% of their personality. But at least, you'll be convinced whether to go ahead or not). Studying them insincerely will only make you to land a wrong decision for yourself. Be truthful!
2. Know Their Family - you must know your potential spouse's family - their beliefs, health history, disposition towards others (some families are accommodating, others are not). You don't want to give birth to children who will develop one sickness or the other that runs through your partner's family - hereditary. Neither do you pray for relatives that will give you sleepless nights all through your life.
3. Know What the Person Really Likes About You - everybody is attracted to another person by a set of things - or maybe just one thing. This runs from your dressing to your physical appearance/body structure, from your career pursuit to your spiritual life, from you voice to the way you talk/speak, from your intelligence to your virtues - everything. These are the tings you MUST maintain if you end up getting married to the person. They got attracted to you because of these things. For example, someone loves your smiles today, only for you to keep your face like pliers in your marital home. You can't be serious. Lol.
4. Test and Also Pass Tests - lest you haven't read about testing and tempting on this blog, here you go. You must do simple tests. You must also pass tests. Even God tests people. O yea, very well. Tests are - and should be - aimed at finding your/their weak points and developing on them. Know when your potential spouse is testing you, and also be ready to accept correction. It's a must. No one needs headache in their marital home all because of you.
5. Find Out if You Guys Are Compatible - I don't want to dwell on this. We talked about compatibility in marriage earlier in May. Click here to read it if you missed it. That's why you need to subscribe to the blog so you don't miss sweet posts again. *smiles*.
6. Couple Development - does this sound new? Hurray! I've invented a theory. Lol. Please, when you're courting, make sure you develop your union. For example, do these things together: attend counselling, read books and watch TV programmes that will develop you guys. Leave aside the 'me' and 'him/her' mentality. Start working towards 'us'. I always advise that you marry someone who has same beliefs as you. As a Christian, for instance, be praying together. If they show a lackadaisical attitude towards your belief, your marriage will have a 'but'. In a globalised world like ours, with this incurable level of diversity, I know people have started marrying across different (religious) beliefs. But on a sincere and general note, majority (note, not all) of such marriages will always have problems. You don't play with what people believe in. Not at all!
6. Decide Whether Or Not to Proceed to Marriage - if any human on the surface of this earth has ever told you it's compulsory to marry the person you're in courtship with, please you've just heard the first lie of the century. In courtship, you weigh things. You find out the good and the bad. You know if you guys are fit for each other. If not, back off. A broken courtship is 100% better than a broken marriage. Marrying that person, once again, is not compulsory...and this is one of the reasons you must lock your legs and leave someone's bank account alone when courting, lest it doesn't lead to marriage.
7. Add Your Own! - please be careful what you add. Lol. Dove's Heart is not liable for any damage you cause your relationship as a result of listening to your own additions. *big grin*
That was fun, true, but full of hard decisions, right? At least you learnt something useful. Please share with friends and comment your thoughts below.
Dove's Heart cares about its readers: you want your best photos to feature here? Just send them, along with your name, to dovezheart@gmail.com
Thanks a lot for the time you've spent.
During your courtship period, you should:
1. Know Everything There is to Know About the Person - their past life, their present, and their future prospects. Don't allow their past relationship(s) to bother you much. Rather, be concerned with your relationship with the person and what tomorrow holds for you two. Courtship is not the period to start 'finding out' how good someone is in bed. To God's people, you don't want to make this mistake. Your partner wants it by force? Back off! To those without God, it's a free world, a world of choice. Too, courtship is not a time for you to turn a desperate beggar before your partner, expecting them to be the messiah in times of your material needs. Please grow up. Use this period to know their likes and dislikes and how to cope with them. It's the best period to study your potential spouse (although no amount of study can reveal 100% of their personality. But at least, you'll be convinced whether to go ahead or not). Studying them insincerely will only make you to land a wrong decision for yourself. Be truthful!
2. Know Their Family - you must know your potential spouse's family - their beliefs, health history, disposition towards others (some families are accommodating, others are not). You don't want to give birth to children who will develop one sickness or the other that runs through your partner's family - hereditary. Neither do you pray for relatives that will give you sleepless nights all through your life.
3. Know What the Person Really Likes About You - everybody is attracted to another person by a set of things - or maybe just one thing. This runs from your dressing to your physical appearance/body structure, from your career pursuit to your spiritual life, from you voice to the way you talk/speak, from your intelligence to your virtues - everything. These are the tings you MUST maintain if you end up getting married to the person. They got attracted to you because of these things. For example, someone loves your smiles today, only for you to keep your face like pliers in your marital home. You can't be serious. Lol.
4. Test and Also Pass Tests - lest you haven't read about testing and tempting on this blog, here you go. You must do simple tests. You must also pass tests. Even God tests people. O yea, very well. Tests are - and should be - aimed at finding your/their weak points and developing on them. Know when your potential spouse is testing you, and also be ready to accept correction. It's a must. No one needs headache in their marital home all because of you.
5. Find Out if You Guys Are Compatible - I don't want to dwell on this. We talked about compatibility in marriage earlier in May. Click here to read it if you missed it. That's why you need to subscribe to the blog so you don't miss sweet posts again. *smiles*.
6. Couple Development - does this sound new? Hurray! I've invented a theory. Lol. Please, when you're courting, make sure you develop your union. For example, do these things together: attend counselling, read books and watch TV programmes that will develop you guys. Leave aside the 'me' and 'him/her' mentality. Start working towards 'us'. I always advise that you marry someone who has same beliefs as you. As a Christian, for instance, be praying together. If they show a lackadaisical attitude towards your belief, your marriage will have a 'but'. In a globalised world like ours, with this incurable level of diversity, I know people have started marrying across different (religious) beliefs. But on a sincere and general note, majority (note, not all) of such marriages will always have problems. You don't play with what people believe in. Not at all!6. Decide Whether Or Not to Proceed to Marriage - if any human on the surface of this earth has ever told you it's compulsory to marry the person you're in courtship with, please you've just heard the first lie of the century. In courtship, you weigh things. You find out the good and the bad. You know if you guys are fit for each other. If not, back off. A broken courtship is 100% better than a broken marriage. Marrying that person, once again, is not compulsory...and this is one of the reasons you must lock your legs and leave someone's bank account alone when courting, lest it doesn't lead to marriage.
7. Add Your Own! - please be careful what you add. Lol. Dove's Heart is not liable for any damage you cause your relationship as a result of listening to your own additions. *big grin*
That was fun, true, but full of hard decisions, right? At least you learnt something useful. Please share with friends and comment your thoughts below.
Dove's Heart cares about its readers: you want your best photos to feature here? Just send them, along with your name, to dovezheart@gmail.com
Thanks a lot for the time you've spent.
Can't say no to this.
ReplyDelete