'Relationship Lifeline 1b: How Strong is Trust?

Welcome back, friends. I hope you still remember where we stopped last? As it was clearly stated in the last write-up on the “Relationship Lifeline: How Strong is Trust?” series, our attention here shall be on those things you do either intentionally or unintentionally (knowingly or unknowingly) that have affected your relationship, and it's more directed towards man-woman relationship this time round. 

As someone's spouse out there, you possibly have every reason to declare yourself a very faithful partner to your spouse, but they keep having this suspicion that you're not trustworthy. Does it bother you why it happens that way? Are you suspecting your relationship isn't flowing well? You don't cheat on your spouse, you don't keep late night, you've done “everything” you can to make sure you're a faithful partner. But your spouse harbours a doubt in their heart concerning your level of faithfulness to them. This article is likely going to address your problem. However, if you’re not ready to better your relationship, and if you’re not ready to accept the truth with all amount of sincerity, then you might have to sign out from here. The points you’re about to read are meant for sincere people only.

Human beings are so diverse that diversity itself is scared of them. That's not funny, and the reasons are enormous. However, we definitely can't address them all here. While some people don't LIKE talking things out (or expressing their feelings), others don't just know HOW to talk. Yet, we have some rapid-fire people who can say just everything there is to say. It's the beauty of individual differences.

However, the worst thing here is that partners of opposing personalities can hardly cope with each other. This means, even when your spouse knows what they don't like about you, they can either keep silent over it (and die in silence), or they voice out over it (they can voice out wrongly, or they voice out and you refuse to accept it and the problems linger on). To cut the story short, the following are some of the things you do that your spouse/partner doesn't like and they won't tell you, hence affecting the sweet flow of your relationship:

1. Proxy/Anonymous Flirting

Sounds like a big grammar. Lol. By "proxy flirting" I mean those simple interactions you have with people on social media, in your office, in the public, etc that carry some emotional/romantic undertones. Such emotional/romantic undertones are “proxy” because you actually make those friends of yours feel “good”, something their partners would normally do. It’s “anonymous” because sometimes these social media friends don’t’ know you in person, and you don’t know them, too. But what keeps you guys going is some sort of light flirting. How do you chat and interact with your friends on Facebook, WhatsApp, Instagram, Badoo, Imo, name them? Those “sweet” words and “romantic” displays mean a lot to your spouse, but they might not tell you. Your partner keeps seeing people telling you "I love you", calling you "baby", "angel", "sweetheart", "my love"; or maybe you're the one saying these to your social media and other friends.  Guess what? It affects your partner's ability to trust you. Remember, when you're married or dating, you've decided to "belong" to the person; you no longer have right over yourself, and they no longer have right over themselves. Even God said so (1 Cor. 7v4). Well, you may think your spouse is just being too jealous in nature, you may think you're actually not cheating on them. But the truth is, you're affecting their emotions and their trust in you, that's it. They can't trust you! You have to stop using romantic gestures on others, and also stop them from doing same to you. Protect your relationship at all cost.

2. Opposite Sex Pictures on Phone

This might sound really, really stupid and funny: how can my partner not trust me simply because I have people's pictures on my phone? Some people are deep thinkers. They don't joke with things they come across. When your spouse sees photos of people who are your opposite sex stored on your phone, it immediately sends them a message that you're "possibly" having something doing outside. If God could be a jealous God, why won’t your partner be jealous? As God expects a total dedication of His people to Him alone, so also does your partner expect a total dedication of yourself to him/her alone. Have you not been advised before that you have to avoid ANYTHING that will make your spouse suspect you? Now you have!

3. Hugging People

Have you ever walked with your spouse and they went into some inexplainable hugging spree? Lord Jesus! Many - in fact, very many - people don't like that at all. Your spouse will automatically have the feeling that you're a “freelance” type, capable of finding pleasure in other people. If your spouse is the type that hates you hugging people of opposite sex, then you just have to stop it, else it will affect your relationship. Simple, silly things do break relationships. Avoid them!

4. Outing Type

Who doesn't want to have some nice time running about like a well fed puppy? It's cool to go out. It's cool to have a date with friends. But it's cooler to know it's capable of turning your relationship into rags. Once more, immediately you decide to spend your life with someone, you're welcome onboard the ship sailing to the land of "less freedom". You're no longer your own; you belong to someone. They, too, belong to you. No two ways to this. If your partner isn't the outing type, be ready to be like him/her. If they don't keep and visit too many friends, be ready to be same. If you're not comfortable with their nature, no need wanting to stay together! You're to complement your partner. However, lest you care to ask, if your partner does wrong, you're to "correct" them, not following them to be wrong. Be wise!

5. Demanding Type

In general terms, your taste of things can affect your relationship with your partner. There are people who can give you heaven and earth every time you ask, no matter how frequent. But watch this: some people give you all this not because they want to spend their life with you. There are people who give naturally. There are those who give just because you ask for it. However, in their heart, you've been ruled out of the relationship. Why? A demanding partner is generally believed to be discontented or dissatisfied in life, capable of looking outside or breaking up when things go tough materially in a relationship. Many ladies have lost their would-be husbands simply because they demanded too much. Don't force on your partner what they can't provide...and even if they have it, don't demand needlessly. Although they may give you all you demand, you're seriously queuing up your qualifications for an exit course. You guys might end up not getting married, or you get married but with issues.

6. Social Media Presence

Are you on any social media platform that your partner is not on? You might have to start considering deleting your account now. Why? Your partner (or your family) should be the first reason why you open any social media account. If they're not on that platform, then who do you want to chat with? On the other hand, your partner might be the type that doesn't care much about social media. Where this is the case, you just have to take permission from them to open it for yourself, maybe for business purposes. But trust me, if the platform is not serving a purpose for you and your partner, don't just bother opening it. They may give you a go ahead if you ask for, but it's likely not from their heart. Also, if you’re on any social media that your partner is not on, try invite them to open it too. If they refuse, be wise here: ask them curiously to know why they don’t want, or you just delete your account, especially if it doesn’t serve any mutual purposes for you and your partner. Remember, some people can't express their feelings. Avoid it!

7. Appearance

Hmmm....it's kind of speechless how your partner won't just allow you to express yourself just the way you want. Well, you can actually express yourself freely the way you want it, but you have to be single to do this. Lol. Yes, repeatedly, I've said it that once you've decided to live with someone, your body is theirs, and theirs turn to yours. The way you dress, the make-up you wear - in short everything that makes your appearance - is highly scrutinized by your spouse. Go against their like and see your relationship in shambles. Or, they don't complain? Better watch out well.

Like it was rightly said initially, there are millions of things out there to discuss here. But trust me, Jesus would come before exhausting them all in this piece. However, my intention has been served: I have opened your eyes now. You can now start thinking of similar things that you've been doing and you never knew could affect the way your partner sees you. You and your partner must be "compatible" before you guys can have a smooth relationship (I will write more on the issue of "compatibility" very soon). Remember, it's either you belong to the relationship or your leave. If you want to stay and make it loving, then reconsider your life. When you're in a relationship, your partner has the right over you, and vice versa.

Did you learn anything today? Please like, comment, and share. Thanks for reading.