Should or Can lack of/Poor Communication in Relationship Lead to Cheating?

"It's sad to say it, but I just have to let you know that there's a very few individuals who will never want to cheat on their partners no matter the circumstances around them, EXCEPT they are no longer together (of course, at this point, this is no longer cheating since they've separated). For those of you out there who trust your partners to the letters, for those of you who wish to be loved and trusted too, this piece is for you. It's a very tiny part of my experience that I would love to share with you so you can learn from it. So no matter who you are, whether you're the guilty one here or not, just read this with the mindset that you want to learn something positive today. No hard feelings; just an eye opener.

So it begins.....

I was hitting the 3rd year in my relationship with a girl I loved so much that she knew I did. The love was just too gorgeous to behold. Everyone around us knew it. We were just too good. However, with time, I perceived a few things and, whether divine or not, I predicted that something was going to be wrong in our relationship. I predicted she's going to cheat on me and that she would treat me in such a bad way that the relationship would sink. Then, I predicted she would lie about it all and that she would join forces with these guys to fight against me. By the 5th year in the relationship, these all happened. Everything was fulfilled exactly as I had predicted. But why am I writing this experience here? It's because my lady said it was lack of communication between the both of us that made her to cheat on me. Till date, this remains the most illogical excuse I've ever heard. Why? The following points will prove her wrong:

1. I had warned her years back that she would do this. So before the lack of communication excuse, there were already signs it would happen. All she should should have done was to for her to ask me why I felt she would do that and what steps should could take to avoid it. But, well, she never cared about my early warnings.

2. When she decided to do all this, I refused to cheat on her too, although I lived in the middle of opportunities to flirt with as many ladies as possible ('cos of the society I found myself that moment). But why didn't lack of communication force me to cheat on her during this period?

3. She got it wrong because we were actually communicating. We used to make video calls, exchange photos, and I was sending her something. Once, she even put me on a video call with her friends and we talked and laughed, then I sent all of something. Does that really prove we were not communicating, at least?

4. I warned her that she was cheating on me, but she denied it and still continued.

5. She was flirting with many guys. If it was lack of communication from me that made her cheat on me, why then would she be going out with many guys? Lack of communication too?

6. When I finally returned to meet her, I showed her all the evidence that she was cheating. Hell broke loose. Tears everywhere. I forgave her and asked that she should delete those guys from her contact and do away with every form of communication with them so we could continue. To my greatest surprise, days later, she went back relating with these guys. From there, I suffered hell in my life for years. It was the first and worst form of depression I have ever had, seen, heard or read of.  It's affected me health-wise, too. There's so much I don't want to say. This is because it's not a blame time. All I want to do here is for us to learn, and as well try to answer the question whether lack or poor communication can or should lead to cheating in a relationship?

Because of my love for her, and to prove that all men are not scum, I still decided to stick to her. Well, we started staying together so we could build back the love, trust and all we had lost. Truth? It's never been easy or the same again, although we've some made progress, I would say. Sadly, we had a misunderstanding and booom! she left my house (something she likes doing, has vowed not to do again, but still couldn't stick to hr vow). For 6 days now I don't know where she went to. Funny enough she refused to tell me, rather she felt I should ask her family. So much I don't need to say. But was it wise for her to leave without letting me know where she's gone to? Now, I'm doubting where she is and what she's actually doing out there. The crazy thing? She's posting things everyday on social media, but still doesn't feel it's wrong for her not to tell me where she is! Hmm...That aside...

Credit: cecinewyork.com

Now why I actually wrote this piece....

My girl said it was lack of communication that made her cheat on me. Since she left my house last week till now, we're not communicating. During this period, I've attended 3 weddings in a space of 2 days. I've met with lots of beautiful ladies. I was one of the groomsmen  in one of the weddings and you know what that means: I had access to plenty of bridal train ladies. I remember when I was taking photos of one of the couples and a lady walked up to me and said "Hi!" with that deep special smile on her face. I greeted her back. Every little moment she would want to engage me in a discussion. Well, I has to avoid her till I left there 'cos I went prepared not to mess up. Next day, at the 3rd wedding, during the reception, one beautiful, fair and tall lady walked in. I noticed her immediately as she walked in. She resembled my girl for a moment, so she caught my attention immediately. We both looked at each other for many seconds. She gave me that eye contact that was obvious she admired me. She was just beautiful and obviously gentle, without any make-up and confidently simple in her outfit. In actual sense, she looked like a half cast and the best way to describe her is that she's a photocopy of the singer Alicia Keys. She had about 4 other ladies with her, and her mom. We all spent about an hour plus downstairs and the couple entered their photo session. I knew this girl probably liked me; she's the type I would like too. But should I take this opportunity just the way my girl took hers to get hooked up at a wedding? I was troubled within me. God knows I thought about so many things. Well, I decided not to. Hours gone and everyone moved upstairs for the part two of the reception.

Credit: Today.com

At a point, I was busy sharing stuffs and taking photos of the couple. The lady's mom called me to their table and asked for a bottle of wine. When I got the wine and was walking down to them, I saw all of them just looking at me. I became restless and shy. Well, I dropped the drink and left. However, I took notice of all that.

She was this calm type who seemed from a rich home. Out of curiosity, I went afar off and stood, occasionally looking at them to really ascertain if they were on me. Coincidentally, I saw one of her friends pointing finger to where I stood, as they looked at me and talked in silence to each other. Truthfully, she asked the friends if they had seen me again. That's why they pointed the ginger to my direction. Now I caught them in that action. Surprisingly, the mom too was looking at me with this kind of expression that 'this gentleman is looking nice and would love him to hook up with my daughter'. In order not to be wrong with my suspicions, I changed my direction to somewhere else and observed. Booom! the mom was staring at me very well. Like, she would look at me from up to down and back up, slowly. She was like assessing me.

While her daughter's friends also very obviously admired me for their own personal purposes, the damsel was well composed in her looks. Well, time for the couple to dance. As kind of a good dancer myself, and being among the guys in suite, I went to dance up there with the couple (the husband is my real G; we've known for years). That was when the crowd noticed a dancer was around. Lol. Occasionally, I would look at my admirers' table to see if they were still looking at me. Who doesn't want to be sure of what they think? Lol. The lady and her mom couldn't hold back their admiration of me, watching my dance steps to the fullest. Hmmm. While still dancing, the groom sent me to get something from the car (I had used my car to drive the couple from their lodge to church, and from church to the reception ground). Well, it took me some minutes to find what I was searching for in the car. And when I looked up, I saw the beautiful lady with 3 of her friends standing outside just looking at me. At this point I was confused what to do. Why? Because I'm in a relationship. HOWEVER, my girl left my house and for 6 days we haven't communicated. I don't even know where she is. She could be enjoying herself out there or something. Hmmm. So what stops me from approaching this beautiful lady once and for all?

Long story, yea? Sorry, folks. I walked past them and went upstairs (the reception hall). Minutes later the ladies came back in. At the end of the occasion, I started moving down the couple's gifts into my car. Well, the lady and her friends came downstairs again, but this time they stood by the bus that brought them there. Guess what? From what I came to know, this lady attends same church my girl attends, but different parishes, and she's a staff at one of the schools established by the church. It's a popular, internationally recognised school. That was the moment I knew the church actually owns the school. I moved slowly into the bathroom to look at myself on the mirror, to know why such a queen would want to like me (I didn't look bad, though. Smiles). But It's some shock to me.

Credit: cecinewyork.com

Needless recounting my experience with two of the ladies in the bridal train. Needless mentioning that the bridesmaid just liked me and was always keeping my own drinks and food, and even liked to enter my car when we were moving in the convoy. It's not a new thing that both single men and women go to wedding grounds to search for their life partners. I won't condemn anyone for that. But if you're in a relationship, why do it? I thought about all this. I remembered again that it was at a wedding that my girl hooked up with one of the guys she was cheating on me with. Ladies and gentlemen, here I was at a wedding, having no communication whatsoever with my girl, haven't seen her for 6 days and have no idea what she's doing out there. But I intentionally refused to hook up with any lady at those weddings. I  didn't give out my number neither did I receive any. I drove back home full of thoughts: why am I doing this for a lady who used same opportunity to cheat on me? Now that my girl and I have no communication, what stopped me from using same excuse to hook up with a girl, at least, the most beautiful one I saw at the 3rd wedding? To make matters worse, the groom had to thank me in the presence of the crowd and gave a little info about me, including my little international background. This got a few attention, I guess, and she even clapped from where she sat, full of that loving smile. Work made easier for me, you know. But why didn't I approach this beauty? I was just standing by my car when their bus drove out, and she was looking at me from the window like she had just lost a gold. You could see in her face she really wanted us to talk, or at least exchange numbers. But she wouldn't want to make the move first. I felt for her as the bus drove past me. I saw a connection between her and me from the eye contact. But I had made up my mind to stay true to my girl. All night I was lost in thoughts. I wasn't thinking of any of the ladies I had met; I was desperately thinking why I refused to hurt my girl. What could make me decide to lose such an opportunity for her sake, even when she's hurt me badly and has left my house? 

Today, Monday 23rd December 2019, one of the guys called me early in the morning and said someone met him and asked for my number. When he explained her appearance, I knew it was one of the ladies, this very beauty. I just took a deep breath for a while, remembered a lot of things in my past, I felt like crying. She's like an angel in appearance. But I told the guy not to give her my number. He felt the seriousness in my voice and that was it. I'm doing this for my girl who used this same opportunity to hurt me....exact same opportunity. I got to the office, still thinking about it. Broke into tears as I tried to figure out why I have decided not to hurt same person who hurt and maltreated me badly; same person who's left my house without for a week without caring to give me the single respect of telling me where's gone to. Why am I doing all this just for her sake? Would she truthfully do same for my sake? Does she even know that she's opening ways for girls to fill in? Or does she even care to know? Or maybe she just has the confidence I wouldn't want to hurt her as usual? What if I start believing that she's somewhere I wouldn't want her to be and that she's doing things I wouldn't want her to do, and these thoughts force me to want to take these opportunities? Would I be blamed for it or she simply could have avoided it all? Hmm..

Now, guys, I want you to tell me, do you think it was lack of communication that made my girl to cheat on me? If yes, why didn't I cheat on her too now that we are lacking communication? I really want to know. Personally, I feel faithful people will always be faithful no matter the situation, so far they are still in the relationship. Girl made the choice to cheat, then decided to blame in on lack of communication. It wasn't a mistake. Let's dissect the question....

Should lack of/poor communication in relationship lead to cheating? Answer is it should not.

Can lack of/poor communication in relationship lead to cheating? Answer is it can. But at this point, you decided to cheat; it's your choice. This was where my girl fell into.

Conclusion:  Cheating is a choice, not a mistake, and lack of or poor communication in relationship is not a necessary ground for you to cheat.

Today, it's my turn to use lack of communication as an excuse to cheat on my girl, but I refused to. I want us to understand that everything we do in life is a choice, not a mistake. In fact, I see mistakes to be choices that we make wrongly. So the things we call mistakes are actually our choices. Just that we made these choices wrongly. I want to let us all know that communication is a vital part of any relationship or marriage. Some people liken it to the oxygen of a union, and without it the union dies. But are you aware that there are people who never fail to communicate every blessed day, yet they cheat on each other? Now, it's one thing to communicate as much as you want with your lover, it's another thing to stay faithful. Some people believe that if you give your partner good sex, care, attention and all, they won't cheat on you. Good lie! Your partner would still cheat on you even if you gave them the entire universe with all the good things in it.

You want a beautiful woman and you have her, then you're cheating on her with a woman who has bigger bums. You want a man with so much money and you've got him, and you're now cheating on him with one who looks more handsome. You have been praying for a woman who is working and you've got this. Now you're cheating on her with the one who is a social media figure. Or you fasted for weeks for a man who has a car and God has given you. Now it's that guy in church who sings very well that you're flirting with. That's how majority of human beings work. So next time someone tells you communication, love, care, bla bla bla, is what I need to be faithful to you, look again. Faithfulness is a discipline, a personal decision not to be stupid. Being faithful is a discipline and not everyone is good enough to attain such height. Or let me ask you: why do you still sensually admire the opposite sex even when you're taken? That's because cheating is part of the evil of life, and so you need the discipline of faithfulness. You're aware rich people still steal. Would would ever think of that? So communication is one thing, faithfulness is another thing. Communication can help someone to be faithful, but they can still cheat even when you're communicating well. I pray that the person you give your all to will also give their all to you.

If she ever comes across this, I hope she learns a thing or two, instead of being angry. For you out there, I hope you learnt something new today.

Thank you and merry Christmas!"

Disclaimer: This story was shared by one of our readers. Any resemblance to anybody's real life experience does not necessarily mean that the story is about you. Pictures used in the write up are not real pictures of the characters depicted in the story. 

For further enquiries, or to publish your own story, please contact us on dovezheart@gmail.com or on Facebook.com/DovezHeart

Lying To The Self: The Mouth Odour Analogy

Credit: Speareducation

It's no breaking news that lying is part of the human race. It's helped many to escape their punishments, while at same time helping others find untold favours from men. It has added huge financial strength to nations and companies, and at same time bring down governments. Lying is not falsehood (when something is 'false', it basically means you didn't know the information wasn't correct. So such isn't intentional. Lying, on the other hand, is intentionally saying what you know is not true. Hence, in your exams, the question paper reads 'True' or 'False'; not 'True' or 'Lie'. This is because the examiners knows picking 'False' means you don't know the answer. If you knew, you wouldn't pick the wrong one. That's why falsehood is not intentional. Lies are intentional). Away from that...

Now imagine if you have mouth odour. You decide to go to a nurse or some doctor out there to complain about this. The presumed specialist asks you if you've been taking care of your mouth well? Your answer obviously becomes a big YES. Meanwhile, in reality, you only rinse your mouth with water or some mouth wash and then rush out to work...this on a daily basis, perhaps. You basically don't brush your mouth well and this you know. But you have successfully lied to the specialist that you do take care of your mouth well. Within you, you know this to be a lie. Sadly, the supposed specialist has forgotten to ask you one important question: how do you take care of your mouth? For not asking you this very question, they unknowingly allow you to lie successfully about your mouth odour situation and, if care is not taken, they lack good prescription for you because you haven't supply them with the right information they need.

Now, imagine you taking another step to report your mouth odour to a dentist. This one knows exactly the questions to ask you, the equipment to use on you, all the ways needed to know the root of your problem. You lying to your dentist might not help, because they are knowledgeable in the field, hence they know how to follow you up.

That's how many of us treat our relationship/marital problems. We just lie about them, coming up with all sorts of emotions just to win the hearts of the people we are reporting the issues to. We go to our family members, relatives and friends and lie about the issues in our relationships and marriages. We cry, feel sad, shout, walk up and down, slam the door and sometimes just be happy while reporting our problems to our presumed listeners, depending on the emotions we want to show them at that time. Sometimes, we just act based on the fact that we don't know how to help, or what to do in such situations. In this case, it's not our intention to lie to our listeners; we just lack the wisdom, the clue to handle it. In all, we end up not providing the necessary information needed to get help.

Credit: Psychologytoday 

In return, these poor listeners who, probably, are not well informed, will jump into a pool of conclusions for us. We heed to their advice and booom! we go put it all into practice, complicating issues for ourselves more than ever.

There is ultimately NO single way one can get solution(s) to one's problems without first being truthful about the problem itself. You can't claim to use ordinary water to rinse your mouth and expect a sweet smelling breath. Same way, you can't keep running away from the truth about your home simply because you want people to side with you. 

Imagine you having an argument with your spouse. You slap your spouse front and back and, in return, they slap you back only once. You get angry and tell the world that your spouse has just beaten you up, without letting them know you actually started the slapping spree. Your advisers ask you to quickly pack out of the house, or to arrest your spouse, or to cause more problem for your spouse. You heed to the half-baked piece of advice. Your home scatters. Who wins?

Wake up, own it, say the truth about it and see it get solved for you. Tell your dentist what it is so they know the best treatment for your mouth odour. Tell your advisers what it is so they know the truth and advise you better.

Merry Christmas in advance, fam!

Should Agnes Really Give Up?

Credit: Paradise News

Here's a story of a young lady, Agnes, whose relationship has got to the point of no hope.

Agnes, 28, is a young graduate from Cross Rivers State, Nigeria, and the first daughter of her family. She got into a relationship with Mike, currently 37, who resides in Jos, Nigeria. The two have been in the relationship since they were 23 and 32, respectively, and everyone around them knows about lover birds. Both families have no visible issues seeing them married.

However, the 5-year-old relationship hit its nose on a monstrous rock when Mike was caught kissing Agnes' friend, Nsima, in a club in Calabar, sometime in April this year. Mike had come from Jos to visit his fiance`, Agnes, in Calabar. Well, he slept in a hotel and wanted to surprise Agnes with an unannounced visit to her family. Unfortunately, Mike had informed Nsima of his coming to Calabar. Although the 26-year-old Nsima is Agnes' seemingly best friend, she felt it was just normal to go hang out with Mike in his hotel that night. After all, nothing sexual was going to happen; it's just for fun; they've been friends for years, though through Agnes.

Credit:Naijaloaded

Agnes, who's currently doing her post graduate degree at the University of Calabar, was quickly informed by two other female friends who had gone to same club Mike was. One of them knew Mike (through  the many photos on Agnes' phone), but Mike never knew them. Nsima knows these two ladies, but she least expected anyone would see them in such a tight, dark corner they sat that night. Well, nothing hides forever, we should all know.

The next day, Mike was at Agnes' family house with lots of smiles on his face, believing he had come to surprise his woman. Agnes wore an obvious fake smile as she stood at the door looking at her man straight in the eyes, welcomed him in and had her parents come to say hi to Mike. About 15 minutes later, Miss Nsima appeared. Although she knew what had transpired between her and Mike the night before, she pretended to be shocked to see Mike around. Agnes, looking gently at Nsima from up down, smiled again and said: "Well, Mike just came in. I never knew he was around. But was there any need to tell people of his coming?" Nsima was not comfortable being classified as "people", and felt she should ask Agnes why she made such a statement? That aside.

By 4pm the gathering was over and Mike, Agnes and Nsima went to the hotel where Mike's lodging. Immediately Mike and Nsima entered the room, Agnes, who entered last, slammed the door and locked it. "Either you tell me what was happening between the both of you in this room last night, or we may all have to die here!", Agnes screamed. Mike and Nsima looked at each other and, as one wanted to ask Agnes to be straight to the point, the furious fiance` uttered: "And as for you (referring to her friend Nsima), this Calabar will be too small for us to live in!" The rest is history.

The drama began and the story became longer than can be narrated in minutes. Anyway, all we can remember about the hotel room incident is that the three had to contribute to pay for some damaged items caused by their fight, as Nsima had also exposed to Mike right there that Agnes was dating a contractor from Lebanon who came to work in Calabar between October 2018 and March 2019. Nothing has hurt Mike more than this revelation. Mike went back to Jos, sent Agnes a text to move on with her life, and they stopped talking to each other.

Credit: Naijaloaded

Today, the lovely relationship between Agnes and Mike is nearing an end. The duo have not been talking to each other for the past eight weeks. Agnes fought Mike for his affairs with Nsima without thinking about what she first did to Mike. On his own part, Mike got mad at hearing Agnes ever cheated on him. Mike and Agnes still love each other, but they haven't been talking to each other and no. They, however, do find out about each other through other means, and are very much on social media to see how each other is faring. The two friends who reported the affair between Mike and Nsima that night, have advised Agnes to quit the relationship. Two of Agnes' siblings have also hated Mike for having an affair with Nsima. But none of these have been able to advise Agnes that truly, she wronged Mike first and should apologise for her acts. Agnes knows it too well she wronged Mike, but she just doesn't want to be humble about it, probably because Mike slept with Nsima, her best friend. Would Agnes have apologised to Mike if he had an affair with someone else?

Credit: Nigerian Bulletin

While we await your advise for Agnes and Mike, we would like to conclude with this: when you're wrong, accept it and turn a new leaf. If you have advisers around you who can not see your own faults, it's a pity that they will help you ruin what you have built, simply because they think they're supporting you. You know and want your relationship more than any body else on earth does. So you should not be moved by people's wrong advise, even if it's from your family. Having said that, we encourage Agnes to stand to it and tell Mike that she can't leave. She has to acknowledge her wrongs and apologise to Mike. It's her relationship. On the other hand, Mike should also apologise for his affairs with Nsima, and accept Agnes back. It's his relationship. They've both wronged each other on a seemingly similar ground. If they can see their wrongs and repent, they can make a force that no storm can break. We can't win by lying; we can't win by covering our wrongs. The love is there. Add some respect and value to it!

In Brief: Relationship Thoughts 1

I will always give you everything I have and can afford - my time, money (no matter how small), respect, love, sincerity, truth, faithfulness, humility, care and support - so that when you fail me, I will know that it's not a mistake; it's in you to hurt me; it's a plan you have carefully decided to carry out against me. Then I will know what's left for me next, whether to move on with my life, or to clean my tears and stay, with great hopes and daily expectations that you to change someday.

I give all because I deserve all. I really don't have to compete with anyone for you, and I'm not ready to fight anyone because of you. If I'm not giving you such issues, you shouldn't give me.

That's who I am. 

#RelationshipThoughts

WHY HAVING MALE BESTIES WILL AFFECT YOUR RELATIONSHIP NEGATIVELY

-By: Victor Daniel, 2016-

Photo Credit: Livestrong.com

Hi guys! That's happy new year, though getting to the end of the month already. Well, today Dove brings you another practical, common, but possibly overlooked development that is affecting many relationships out there.  The article was written by one Victor Daniel. Enjoy it below and share your thoughts for others to learn. Thanks thanks!

"Why Most girls today have a male best friend they call "bestie". And these besties serve as the chief custodians of the girl's emotional garbage. Because of how generally open minded, straightforward, interesting and mature guys are, girls have grown to prefer having them closer to their hearts as friends instead of having regular female best friends.

However, because of some factors I'm going to highlight now, having a male bestie while at the same time having a boyfriend is toxic to your relationship.

1. Girls find it easier to be "just friends" with guys than vice-versa. In 7/10 of cases, the male bestie usually has hidden feelings for the female bestie. When a guy has feelings for a girl and she got problems with her relationship and she asks that guy for some advice, man, out of jealousy, he is most likely to give the girl an advice toxic to the girl's relationship like- "forget it, he's not meant for you" :v

2. There are lots of Emotions transferred through problem sharing:

See, when you find yourself really comfortable sharing your problems with someone, it heightens the emotional connection between the both of you. When you share your personal problems with a guy it increases the intimacy between you two. So when you have a boyfriend but you feel more comfortable talking to another guy about your problems and he's giving a listening ear, you both start developing some kind of intimacy you wouldn't believe. And if care isn't taken, that intimacy might develop into feelings.

3. A shoulder to cry on is a dick to ride on:

This is self explanatory. A girl is most vulnerable when she's all emotional crying to meet a male buddy of hers telling him about her heartache. Bae, if the guy wants to take advantage of you at that moment, even Karashika can't help you. When a girl is hurt she's most likely to cry to a close male friend of hers especially when the boyfriend caused the hurt. At that point she is weak as poo and she needs succor. In many cases I've seen, the guy let's her cry on his shoulder and the lips just gets locked and....

4. In most cases, the bestie is the funnier one-

Girls are automatically more attracted to a guy when he's funny. And believe me, girls prefer to spend more time with a funny person than a boring boyfriend. So in most cases the girl spends time texting or talking with her funny-as-poo bestie rather than her always uptight super-busy boyfriend. Aside the intimacy that grows from talking to constantly with a particular person, funny guys will make a girl laugh so much the girl don't even realize when she pulls her panties.

5. It creates an unnecessary competition between your boyfriend and your bestie:

It gets to a point when your bestie becomes jealous of your boyfriend and your boyfriend becomes insecure about your bestie. Infact at one point both parties would accuse you of choosing the other one over him.

6. It's easier to cheat with your male bestie than with anyone else:

You both get playing and one thing leads to the other and you both kiss. Nothing attached... "just kiss". Doesn't seem harmless though but then you realize that no matter how casual the kiss was, you cheated already. And when you do this habitually it develops from a harmless kiss into something deeper and before you know it, you become something like "friends with benefits".

7. You are most likely to develop feelings for your bestie because you only see the good side of him.

He's like everything your boyfriend isn't. He has time to listen to your problems, he generally pays more attention to you, he's usually funnier. So you might get carried away by his charms because you only see that good part of him he shows you. When you fall for him and maybe you had to end your relationship because of him, you realize that he wasn't much better than your boyfriend."

Dove's Heart's Comment: The article above should be read in a generic sense, that is, it applies to both men and women. I personally can relate. Observed something close to this three years back, and again not quite long ago, but refused to discuss it. I hope someone learns and forwards to someone else who needs to learn. I will always bring you those practical tips just to give you the peace you deserve in your relationship.

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That One Bad Moment

Photo: Peru.com

There are moments in life when you feel you're dead, but people see you still living. In your head you're not breathing, not sane, not alive. But to outsiders everything is just fine with you. It's a moment people want to take their own lives, or just do something nasty. A moment of confusion; nothing feels important to you again - not even your job! Tears flow down you cheeks at will, and strength had far left your body. While to some this moment lasts so very long, to others it comes and goes in a very short while. What about those who suffer (maybe psychologically) for the rest of their lives from such a moment?

But one is this: be ready for such a moment so it won't take you unawares IF it comes. And, please, talk to experts and GOOD friends and family members for help, if you're weighed down. Trust me, not everyone will advise you right. So mind who you talk to. 

Dove's Heart will tell you nothing but the truth and makes sure you have the peace you deserve in your life and relationship.

Please if you're not connect to Facebook.com/DovezHeart, then you missing lots of good, short posts like this. 

Good afternoon guys!

Too Beautiful/Handsome/Rich To Be Faithful

Photo Credit: thepoke.co.uk

The human mind tells us way too many things to do. However, we still have a choice in deciding what to and what not to do. In this piece, we take a look at what one of our readers experienced today while driving out. He decided to share his experience because to him, "I feel we can actually avoid and or overcome some of the problems we cause in our relationships". Without much to say, below is his story:

"Hi Dove's Heart! I must sincerely thank you for your write-up on faithfulness and consciousness [the title actually reads Can You Be Faithful Without Being Conscious?]. It was a turn-around in my life. So let me quickly share this experience with you. One of the problems savaging our relationships today, is actually something we've been neglecting, something practical; it's happening everywhere and I just had one today. Do you consider yourself very beautiful, handsome, or rich? What do you do with this 'asset' of yours - to flirt more, or to rather be more faithful?

- That glory should first go to God (that's if you believe in God as your maker) - that's appreciation and humility;

- then the glory should go to you - that's good pride, recognition of self worth and self confidence;

- then the glory should go to your partner - that's value, respect, love and faithfulness! I must say, nothing gives your partner as much confidence as them knowing all of you belongs to them. I was driving to school today. On my way back I saw a lady standing with a guy (which I presumed they're partners), an old woman and a couple of elderly women were also standing there. They're waiting for a taxi or a bus, but none seemed to be any close. So I decided to give them a ride. However, when I stopped to help them, only the young lady and the oldest woman there entered my car. The lady sat with me in front, while the granny sat at the back. They thanked me and I moved. No one talked to no one. After like five minutes drive, the woman alighted, remaining the lady and I in the car. Immediately my consciousness began going wild. I knew a guy and a girl in one lonely place meant something nasty. 

First of all, why did that guy allow the girl to enter my car, knowing very well I'm a young guy like him and could snatch the lady? Two, what might be going through this lady's mind now as she's sitting in my car - would she expect me to ask her out or something? I quickly remembered my own girl (although she cheated on me). Should I pay her back? Should I overcome this? What if my girl is still cheating on me where she is? Too many things came to my mind. We drove for up to 15 minutes and we didn't talk. She brought out her phone, kept pressing it and looking at me. As a sharp guy, I pretended I never knew what she was up to. She just needed me to ask for her number or give her mine. She couldn't be any restless! I knew all that was coming.

Photo Credit: Pinterest.com

When it was close to where she wanted to stop, she told me quite in time. That didn't make me rush and ask her for anything. I just kept quiet and stopped where she asked me to. She opened the door, went down slowly and you could read her mind like: 'is this guy not going to say something?' I looked at her as she closed my door. We stared at each other and I zoomed off laughing. From the mirrors I discovered she was still looking at me even when I had gone far on the road. She least expected a handsome guy could meet a beautiful girl like her but nothing happened.

Now, I'm not trying to be proud, but I'm handsome and I have got more than enough compliments on that. But really? Did she expect me to give her my number, or ask her for hers, simply because I'm handsome, or simply because I drove a car? Rubbish! I can't do that nonsense! My handsomeness I have kept it as a pride for my girl to enjoy (hmmmm....sad she cheated on me). Truly, I felt stupid for keeping that pride for a cheating girl of mine. Sometimes I feel like leaving her for someone who's worthy of me (I just need a lady who can give me what I give me same level of faithfulness and sincerity I give to her; not liars). My experience today was spot on. So ladies and gents, keep that your 'asset' for your partner. No time! Dove, God bless the day I met your blog. You got me going really fast in developing myself.'

Now, I beg to remove this guy's name for privacy sake. But note that his experience's what I've always preached: personal development, faithfulness, sincerity, peace in your relationship. I can't understand why people feel they're too "hot" (rich, beautiful, or handsome) to be "dull" (faithful), so they have to flex while they live. Now that's pretty stupid! Personally, if I discover that someone out there is tripping for me, I would rather let you know the lucky person in my life who's enjoying my fine looks; not me allowing you to have access to me. I wasn't made for everyone! The richer or finer I look, the more happiness and assurance my spouse should have in me. That's my promise. You should give your partner that respect. Let them enjoy all you've got, and you enjoy all they've got; let people wish they were your partner. Guys, take pride in being faithful to your spouse! It's the new way of life you and I on Dove's Heart family are bringing to the world. Hallelujah!

If you have your stories and wish to share with us, please do send them to dovezheart@gmail.com

Have a blessed day!

Johnson: Letter To Self

So one of our dedicated readers posted this in his Facebook page. Dove's Heart found it to be lovely and begged to share. Do you have yours and want it published here? Please do send right away. For now, enjoy your read!

Letter to Johnson,

Still remember you wanted to be an ascetic? Maybe things change....to an extent. Well, I'm sure not

intelligent, not rich, not handsome, not this and that. #Smiles. But it's been my concern to build more on my character than anything else in existence. Quiet, sincere, caring, not lying, losing 'people' (not 'friends') who MUST be discarded, and very slow to anger - these were the traits I wanted for my life and I'm more than 80% on them all, except 60% on the 5th one for now. #CantWaitToHit100%

However, I know there's a problem humans naturally have: to be evil! They pay you evil for good, sometimes even without any reason! If you ever think everyone will like you, you're 100% wrong. If in doubt, ask Jesus Christ. And if you ever think everyone will hate you, you're 100% wrong. If in doubt, ask suicide bombers (many still cheer these folks up!).

I know that to overcome the human natural evil, individuals have to first accept this as a problem, then consciously work out their salvation with fear and trembling. #Hashtag

- Are you aware that people talk at your back for things that "seem" real to them, and they never care to find out if it's true or not? They set fire where none is supposed to be, and laugh with you like saints!

- Are you aware that first class, second class upper, third class, pass and even fail - don't prove how good or bad you are? If in doubt, ask people out there. #Experience

- Are you aware that you can decide not to get worried any longer over false news about you?

- Are you aware that you came to this world alone and will return alone? Your spouse may die with you, but you guys sure have separate drivers to the other world.

- Are you aware that a lot of people are in need but can't ask? Giving, besides being an act of grace, should also be done by you searching for the needy, not waiting for them to come to you. #Word

- Are you aware that you can't get satisfied in life until you decide to be satisfied? This is one main reason people cheat in their relationships! #Period

- Are you aware that by mere sharing on your timeline other people's business endeavours, you're encouraging them beyond their thoughts?

- Are you aware that you can walk away from someone who's not ready to change? #WeAllWantPeace!

Humans are evil...and for the second time I vote: in the next life, if we remain this way, God (or Evolution, if that's what you believe in) should NOT allow humans to be social beings. These way, we wouldn't need each other! #SadButTrue.

Finally, the world is what we make it to be. Our problems today we created them yesterday. Almighty London is not safe today, it started yesterday, going on now, and will continue tomorrow! Gradually, we can't define 'good' and 'evil' again, 'man' and 'woman', 'right' and 'wrong', and the list goes on. No order, no togetherness. Do good and be disliked, do bad and be liked.

Honey lies to honey and just can't stop cheating;

Parents stay miles away from their children these days;

Siblings betray each other at will

Colleagues sure don't want you promoted more than them.

#DoomedRace!

Life is good, but only the wise enjoy it!

I believe that you should be who you are, so far it's good. So careless about those things people say about you that are NOT true. #Glory! Trust people, but don't let them deceive you. Love people but don't let them betray you with their insincerity. Help people but don't let them drain you. Be satisfied but ever improve on your life.

At death your chapter closes, nothing taken into your grave, and no amount of crying and flowers from loved ones will stand the test of time.

JUST BE GOOD!

Can You Be Faithful Without Being Conscious?

Photo Credit: Pulse.ng

Hi guys! Have you ever faced one of the most unwanted relationship problems, cheating? Maybe you've cheated on someone, or they rather cheated on you. How concerned were you (or are you still) that such happened (or is still happening)? Many have committed suicide, murder, and all sorts of atrocities for simply being cheated on, or cheating on someone else (feeling of guilt?). On the other hand, are you the kind that's more concerned with attributes and personal qualities than money and cars? Then finding a faithful partner is one wish you worry heaven about. Truly, to real lovers, there's been nothing as sweet as finding a partner who remains ever truthful to you. It's priceless. It gives you peace of mind. You sleep very well knowing that no one is cheating on you out there. But can humans actually remain faithful? That's a very, very big concern.

You've been dating him/her for a long time now and you could easily swear over their innocence and faithfulness to you. When you finally found out they've been cheating on you, what was your reaction? Hell on you? Wanted to end their life? Speechless and weak? Thought of ending your life instead? Or you rather made a decision not to ever trust again, or not to ever go into a relationship again? Such is life...and many have faced different things that you can't stand hearing. To answer the question, can humans actually remain faithful?, let's consider a few things:

a. economics says human wants can never be satisfied (fact)

b. the Bible says we should not trust humans (fact)

c. the Bible says again that the human heart is wicked (fact).

Nothing scares me more than these three popular quotes, as they are true! They scare me because each time I hear them, I'm quickly reminded that my partner must be looking for many other ways outside of me just to get satisfied. That's cheating on me! Too, if I can't trust humans, then I definitely shouldn't trust my partner either. They could be cheating on me out there! Lastly, if the human heart is wicked, then my partner is very much likely going to hurt me! Worst, if you've ever suspected your partner, or they've ever cheated on you but you forgave them, then hearing and thinking about these three great quotes will only get you more worried; they'll sure remind you of what happened, and what's likely happening or going to happen. Now ain't that scary? Besides cheating, these three quotes mean someone out there could be planning evil against you. But since this is too broad and outside the scope of this talk, I beg to limit this discussion to the issue of relationship only. Sit back and think sincerely about everything you've seen, done, or heard about your relationship - is there any proof that someone's been cheating somewhere without you knowing (or were you cheating on your partner)?

One sure step to solving a problem is knowing the problem first. The three factual quotes are problems that need to be solved. "Human wants are never satisfied", exposing humans to the endless desire to want to explore the world for more opportunities, good or bad. So "trust no humans" for "the heart of man (generic term) is wicked". But sincerely speaking, any human who knows and believes these three quotes - maybe out of experience or information - and as well recognises his/her own weaknesses, and ever ready to change his/her life, will overcome the whims of these quotes! For sure, human wants cannot be satisfied but humans can be contented with what they have. For sure, we shouldn't trust any human but we can learn to be sincere and earn trust. For sure, the heart of man is wicked but we can learn to pursue good at all times, making our hearts good. Now, this is no attempt to be religious. But these are the practical problems we all face in our day-to-day relationships in a scientific world as ours.

I tell you this: it was my awareness of these problems that made me to sit down and tell myself "it's time to take some decisions: I will never lie again, I will never cheat on my partner if I have one, I will never be bought with what I'm lacking, I will never do something that will put me into trouble tomorrow". I've lived this way ever since, and many find peace being around me (although some rather give me evil for my good!). In any case, one thing is sure and it's what I craved for: I have peace of mind! If I'm not hurting someone, if I'm not doing anything cunning at your back, then I shouldn't be worried. Clean hands means clean life. It means I can exist alone peacefully, especially if I was with a partner who's not the type I am and never ready to change. So it's personal peace I've got. I'm sure not perfect - not even close to it - but I'm fast going above the human deficiency seen in those three quotes. It's the life I wanted, the life I worked for, the life I've now got. It's my choice to be good! What's yours?

From the above, you realise that there's unwavering need for you to be conscious in your pursuit of faithfulness. Cheating, it's been said time and time again, is not only about sleeping with, kissing or romancing someone that's not your partner: those flirty text messages, chats and communications you have  with someone or people outside your relationship/marriage and wouldn't want your partner to know about, have already qualified you as a cheat. Congrats! But know from today that you can't be faithful to your partner if you're not conscious of the things you do. Never! You have to consider the existence and validity of the three quotes above. Now you know the kind of world we all live in. In that shock, it's left for you to find out means to stay faithful. So it's a conscious effort; never by mistake. How, then, can you use your consciousness to avoid cheating on your spouse?

1. Time to put your partner first before others - this doesn't mean your family comes second, or that you should always follow what your partner wants at the expense of your family. No! It means, when people - even your loved ones - try to make you hurt your partner, remember your partner is one with you in spirit and in flesh. That's why, to start with, you should have a 'good' partner who has good wishes. You and your partner must be compatible. There're instances I would rebuke my family in my relationship, there're instances I would rebuke my partner - all is for the benefit of the two sides. But how do you know what's right or wrong when you don't seek wisdom? Question!

2. Be ready to lose your friends who want to involve you in anything that will affect your faithfulness to your partner. Many will dislike you and call you names for being faithful, or for not enjoying your life simply because of your partner. Last time I checked, it was your relationship, not theirs!! You have a coordinated dream and relationship than they have. So protect it.

3. The Golden Rule still works - do to your partner what you wish them do to you. If you can't stand them cheating on you, why cheat on them? Just why?!

4. Are you a Christian, always pray for God's grace. This may sound unscientific. But it's key. That's why I referred it to the Christian fold. I backed my mission up with constant prayers for grace. It worked for me. 'Pray' and 'work' your faithfulness out!

5. Be mindful of what you hear, read, see, etc. The things you absorb are the thinks you think of, and they in turn will affect the things you do and, ultimately, telling who you are.

6. Time to learn how to say a big NO to people. Are you invited for some party or clubbing somewhere. Your partner doesn't like it? Tell your friends you ain't coming. Period! People shouldn't control you again. Are you in a relationship and people out there are still disturbing you? It takes not a second to tell someone an affirmative NO! Telling them 'I will think about it', 'time will tell', 'we can be friends', etc have already shown how much value you place on your current relationship. The tone with which you attack someone tells what your intentions are. There's a way you warn an intruder and the person understands clearly that you're not interested in them. Don't be soft towards intruders; they're enemies of your relationship! Don't visit them and don't let them visit you. You shouldn't be picking intruders' calls, you shouldn't be chatting with them, you shouldn't accept their gifts, else they get you. Avoiding a problem is better than trying to repair it. So stop playing indifferent.

7. Be satisfied with what you have - be satisfied with your date's beauty and financial level and all they stand for, while working together on making things better for you two. Your relationship is your project. Handle it with the best care there is. Like a Facebook follower put it, 'lest you didn't know, no matter how beautiful, handsome, rich, intelligent you are, it can't stop a cheating partner from cheating on you. If in doubt, ask people who have got the experience'. You sure can't have everything and everybody in the world to yourself. Who has ever done that? No one! So why jump from one place to the other? You can't even have the best. You think that person you're jumping to is the best? Better think again. They're most likely someone's 'ex'; someone has at one point or the other declared them as not the best. Many people actually have the best partners at hand, but get fooled so much so that they start flirting and lose what they got. The word best in your relationship is a matter of how you define your thing. If you see your partner as the best thing that's ever happened to you, be joyful and truthful to them. You can't see anybody out there the world has generally agreed as the best man or woman. Never will it happen, guys. And if you think you can keep playing on them, remember that someone out there is praying to have that partner of yours. Once your partner is snatched away from you - and if the snatcher happens to treat them well - then you'll understand how useful they were to you. Ask those who are yet to recover from the regret they got when their partners got stolen due to their insincerity and flirty lifestyles. Don't joke with your love!

8. Let people know what you stand for - nearly all my friends know I don't lie. The day I knew this I was in tears. There's an argument and they all came to me and one of them said "you're the one to solve this case because you don't lie...I know you don't lie...we all know that". I smiled and said what was true. Later in my quiet time I shed tears. I cried because it was surprising my little effort had become so pronounced that people starting noticing what I stood, and still stand, for. I'm not a party type so they don't even bother inviting me for parties. Things I wouldn't like you to do to me, I sure can't do them to you. It has saved me and many around me. I feel like a victor whenever I'm appreciated for these qualities of mine, because I know what it took me to build them. Not only did the idea feel useless and unachievable at the start; I also felt it wouldn't be noticed by anyone. Today, my family knows where I belong...and you can't put allegations on my head unnecessarily lest you miss it. It's a decision that we all need to make as social beings. The world would fast be a better place!

9. Since you know how evil the world is, and how unreliable humans are, it's your duty to set yourself free from that category of humans. I hate it when people say they're not perfect and they're not trying to be perfect...or they're not looking for a perfect relationship and all that. No! That's why we suffer and do things we shouldn't do. Seek perfection and you might just get to be good. During my small beginnings on character building, I read more of metaphysical stuffs. I used to wonder why things of the spirit were always seen as 'better than humans'. Too, as a Christian, I read in the Bible that I was created a 'god'. So I sat down and thought about the three popular quotes above and made up my mind: 'I need to be like a god, if gods are super-humans. Even if I can't be perfect, I will definitely be better than many human beings on earth. I need to break or reduce to its last bit that human imperfection curse on my life'. In fact, as I was growing up, I used to say I would be an ascetic. Today I might not be not an ascetic, but I've sure landed myself on a pedestal of attributes many humans can't posses. I love being sincere in all things, and it has helped me to overcome nearly every (social) problem. I'm the quiet type, I think a lot and I love being corrected truthfully, no matter how much it hurts me. If you're not stained, you won't need to hide your chats, calls, and stuffs like that from your partner. When you start cheating, you start getting scared of being caught. Every ant that moves makes your heart pant for breathe. Such a lifestyle is suicidal to me; I would just die if I lived this kind of life...and that's not funny.  I'm in love with sincerity. When you're innocent, you're free from problems! Hashtag.

10. Date and marry the right person. That person must be seen as your best friend in that relationship. Respect them and constantly ask them what you can do to improve. Talk to each other about how to improve, not how to have sex or live flamboyant life (for those who want a good and lasting stuff, sex and flamboyant life won't save your relationship or marriage).

11. Start the action now! Don't read and continue thinking you will stumble on a faithfulness candy someday. Naaaah. You must take action now and start being faithful. 

From the foregoing, you can see how stressful it is to be faithful and perfect (impossible to achieve, though, but you sure can be near and good). A lot of things need to be sacrificed. In a relationship, once more, the idea of 'I' doesn't exist. What exists is 'we'. Have you ever come across the biblical saying that 'all things may be good for you, but not all things are profitable for you'? In life, you may want your freedom to enjoy and do all things. But certainly, not all things will profit your life and your relationship's health. So you should dump your individual sentiments and build your relationship, once you're compatible to go. From my experience, I've had lots of ups and downs...even from people who should never treat me bad. However, I've trained myself and found out what's involved in the road to being faithful that, I must say it, I'm ever scared of being in a relationship! Why? Because (1) economics says human wants can never be satisfied - will my partner ever be satisfied having me? (2) the Bible says we should not trust humans (fact) - does my partner deserve to be trusted? (3) the Bible says again that the human heart is wicked (fact) - how  much of good does my partner think of me? Lest you didn't know, your partner has told you nearly as many lies as the truths they've told you. Experience! A lot of things happen at your back that, if revealed, might cause you heart attack. Humans are too insincere, making life the hell we see today.

I know that overcoming these evil attributes of humans takes a whole lot. I personally have known all this, accepted it all as true, accepted my weaknesses, and decided to build myself to ride above the human nature. It's hard, but achievable or at least, near achievable. From my experience and the nature of humans, it's only a few people who are ready and willing to be faithful in this life. It scares me!  Life ain't safe. Is it? But it can be safe, and that's why I write these things for you to know and follow. Be conscious so you can be faithful. Cheating is not a mistake; it's something you just decide to do. Were you not hiding? Were you not lying? Were you not scared? So why think it was a mistake? You decided to cheat. If we're all conscious of our desire to be faithful, some nasty incidents we regret wouldn't be taking place: some rape cases wouldn't happen, someone getting drugged would be, being arrested by the police wouldn't come by, being infected or killed wouldn't meet you. Be conscious, be faithful, and see yourself overcome a lot of things! These are sincere insights from the peaceful Dove's Heart.

Thanks for reading and I know you can't help but share this. 

I wish you a great day ahead!

Should You Even Bother Reading Your Partner's Mind?

Today we go a bit psychological. Let's talk about the possibility - and the necessity - of reading your partner's mind. But before we begin ragging our heads, let's make some cogent clarifications on the two key words used above: 'possibility' and 'necessity'. Due to the diverse nature of man, it's very important to ask if one can actually read another person's mind? Is it possible for you to read your parents' minds, your siblings', your partner's, teachers', etc? Secondly, is it really necessary to want to read other people's minds? Why should we bother ourselves with what others are thinking of? Of what importance would it be to us if we knew how to read people's minds very well?

We live in a world where humans can just wake up and do what no one could ever think of. Consider the 9/11 incident that claimed not just thousands of lives, but also mighty and expensive buildings. What has been the most shocking, evil thing you've seen r heard? Consider, also, the greatest surprise, gift, sacrifice, goodwill you've ever seen or heard someone do. Why do people do things - positive or negative - that most people, including think-thanks, never can predict? These, among others, are scary questions that have made most people believe that animals in the bush are better than humans; or that some humans are angels - all depending on what's being done.

Photo Credit: www.charismamag.com

Judging from the above, would you appreciate it if you had the powers to read, at least, your partners mind? Or do you thing such is not necessary? Do you think it's not necessary to know how much someone loves you, or how truthful they are to you? Have you ever been cheated on in your relationship? Did you see it coming? Would you appreciate if you saw it coming? Probably, the person was the best thing in your life, someone whom you could die for. Same person has been cheating on you, only to appear a saint in front of you. Have you had this kind of experience before? How was your reaction? Felt like dying? 

On the other hand, you were in a very serious trouble and no help was in sight. Suddenly someone you would least expect appeared and took away your sorrow. How would you feel? What if you had the powers to know such helper would surely come and so you shouldn't kill yourself over the issue you're having? Would you want to be such a super human? Today's piece attempts to explain whether it's possible and necessary to read our partner's mind. Without wasting much time, let's dissect the points of interest:
A. Is it Possible to Read Your Partner's Mind?
It's already been stated above how complicated life has grown to be, leaving us with more and more difficulties in understanding our very self, not to talk of others. To this end, wanting to understand what your partner thinks of, or what their next line of action would be, can be a bit worrisome if not completely futile. While many would settle for 2100 to 3000 thoughts per hour (in the conscious stage of the mind), it's actually impossible to determine accurately how many thoughts flood your mind daily. Where this is the case with you, how about determining what someone else thinks of at a particular time? Crazy endeavour. Isn't it? As Dave Willis would put it, 'Your spouse is not a mindreader. Don't expect them to know what you're thinking and feeling if you have not clearly communicated it'. This, on its own, is true.
However, it's possible to predict what someone could be thinking of or planning to do next. Watch their past life, how they were raised, their friends, what they like and don't like, where they go to - in fact, get details of what he/she does as a human. Till tomorrow, there are things you would tell my mum about me and forever she'd not believe you. In the end, she'd be right! She's studied me and knows most of the things I would do and what I wouldn't do. Tell her someone else in the family did that and she would believe you somehow. Or, haven't you heard people say 'don't worry, he won't report this case' and so it was? So, you can actually read your partner's mind to a very extent, depending on how close you guys are, or how well you've studied them. You must study someone to know them. Period!
B. Is it Necessary to Study Your Partner's Mind?
Of a truth, when it gets to relationship, there are people who don't just care in this life. That we must accept. Such people would be drinking beer and cheering the DJ up even when they've been told their spouse is in the bed with someone else. They might even go back home with some chocolate for the cheating spouse, and some beer for the intruder. What about those who keep the door unlocked while doing something a normal person wouldn't do without locking the door? So don't be surprised to know many won't care to read their partners' minds. It's needless to them. Their reasons could be legion. I won't state such reasons here. Please do well to ask them if you ever come across such people.
Notwithstanding, it's as important as the breathe we take for you to be able to read your spouse' mind. It's too important to overlook. Won't you like to buy them gifts they'd like without pre-informing them? What if they're harbouring some evil plans against you in the house? Won't like to surprise your partner? Lest you didn't know it, good and meaningful surprises give life to your relationship. Hash tag! Without much more on this, below are a few reasons why you need to read your partner's mind:

1. helps in relating with them on a general ground.

2. helps in avoiding future problems
3. helps in solving pending problems
4. brings the best in you as you live with your spouse
5. it makes you positively creative in pleasing them
6. your inputs shock them, making them appreciate you for your results
7. helps in channelling your partner to act in a careful way, knowing you know them. Word!
Etc.
I would have explained every bit of the points above, but for time and space. However, if you ever need more explanation on any or all of them, do well to send a mail to dovezheart@gmail.com or contact Dove on Facebook.com/DovezHeart. Finally, suffice it to say that if you don't study your partner's mind, you're unknowingly giving them: (a) the opportunity to operate freely and this could be dangerous to the faithfulness and trust ingredients of your relationship. In a relationship, individuals don't have their freedom; your freedom is that of the two of you - a collective freedom. You have right over him, he has right over you. Even the Bible recognises this in 1 Corinthians 7:4-5.  Such right doesn't include abuses, lest someone cares to ask. (b) the mindset that you're not creative enough to please them. You probably have been told this several times by your spouse. It's real and necessary to do things with and for your partner without them always having to tell you how, when, what and why. Be creative!
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Happy weekend!