The highest evil in a relationship is unfaithfulness! - @_EdenJohnson,2016.
Whether you've had a first-hand experience of this subject matter or not, just imagine catching your spouse cheating on you. How would you react at that very moment? On his twitter handle was a short sentence I love dearly: 'The highest evil in a relationship is unfaithfulness!' No message could have been any clearer than Eden's. It best describes the message this piece of work is conveying. No partner would put up a smiling face at the spot, no man would congratulate her woman and no woman would applaud her husband - all in the name of being able to cheat on them. It's a depressing moment, a situation which only gives you a couple of seconds to make a very hasty decision on your relationship. So, what would you do at that very moment if you caught your partner cheating on you? To make the situating more worrisome and confusing to you, imagine this partner of yours has been very good to you all this while, imagine he/she has the physical appearance you've been praying for, imagine they were the very reason why you made it in life, imagine all the positive sides you love about this cheating partner of yours. How would you react, considering your reaction at that very moment determines if your relationship continues or not?
To answer this delicate question, let's take a look at these three judgemental tools:
1. Don't React With a Final Decision at the Spot
Although depending on the enormity of an offence committed, it's not always advisable to get rid of something useful simply because it failed you for the first time. If a partner has remained the best person in your life all the while, only to find out one day that he/she has been (or has just started) cheating on you, I advise you go into solitude. Think first before taking any action. There could be reasons behind it, some of which could be caused by you! It could be a set up. At times it might not be their fault. If you catch them live somewhere outside your house, just leave the scene without any action (except you want to get hold of the intruder). But concerning your cheating partner, let them be...or amicably request that the both of you go home together. Don't do anything nasty at the moment, lest you destroy everything there is.
By being 'calm', you'll have ample time to make wise decisions. This sets you in a win-win situation: if it will demand a break up, you guys can get it done after much deliberations. If it demands forgiveness and continuation, you guys can still get it done. Whichever way, you're the winner. When you're angry, you're much likely going to make bad decisions; when you're too happy, you will also likely make some bad decisions. Why not keep calm, then? If you decide to go pack your things and leave your family, if you decide to file for divorce, if you decide to embarrass them, if you decide to commit suicide, if you decide to kill them - whatever negative reaction you feel like taking at the spot - you're on your way to making a very big mistake that could totally ruin everything in life. Remember, you've not had the time to think and also hear from them. This you must do. Very important! You don't want to loose someone you've spent your life loving as a result of one offence, possibly an offence committed for the first time. Nor would it be any sensible for you to commit any crime at that very moment and see yourself in jail, thereby escalating your family problem. However, in the words of Eden, unfaithfulness is the highest evil anyone would ever want to see in their relationship. I have to understand with you that catching your partner cheating on you could be the worst nightmare. It's capable of arousing the worst anger in you. It can force you to take deadly actions. But I have to advise you, don't take such actions at the spot. Keep calm, let the moment die off. At this point try using tool no. 2 below.
2. What's Your Overall Rating of that Partner?
How often has that partner been good or bad to you? If you guys really had some time knowing each other before you agreed to be together, this second tool is for you. It's harder for those partners who came together by mistake (eg. unwanted pregnancy leading to unavoidable marriage, or any means through which they come together without a mutual willingness to. I see this as 'forced relationship'). What and what made you to love that partner? Why did you agree to start a life together, knowing very well there are millions of people out there you could have chosen from? Why were you attracted to them, those special stuffs you loved about them that got you tripping? Was it the person's family ethics or fame, their financial strength or close proximity to your house? Was it love (read more about love from one of our previous discussions) or the person's physical appearance, or their educational background? What got you desiring to spend the rest of your life with them? I call these 'mutual baits' because they're the things that got you two into the relationship.
If you can successfully list those things (mutual baits), then find out how many of them have been abused by the cheating partner. For instance, if 20 things got you attracted to your partner, how many of these have they abused? At the end of this thinking process, you might find some really good reasons you should rather seek a betterment of the relationship than a breakup. Life is full of funny things that only the wise can survive. It's very hard, almost impossible, I must confess, for someone to want to accept such a partner back. Cheating is a killer disease in any serious relationship. This means, if a partner commits this kind of offence, there's a high possible that it will override ALL the 'mutual baits', all the good things that made you love the person. Why not avoid it, then?
3. Remorse and Correction
Well, from the last sense we made, cheating is such a delicate offence to commit in a relationship. Its
consequences are unquantifiable and regrettable. However, it may interest you to know that there are people who would catch their partner cheating and they just would laugh over it. Why? Either they themselves are cheats, or they're are already aware of the unfaithful nature of their partner: they just accept things they way they see. But if you're the type that cares to take an action, preferably a remedial action aimed at saving your relationship, then this tool is for you.
Imagine you've passed through the requirements of the first tool discussed above, Now it's time to decide whether or not to remain with that cheating partner. It's simple: if they've truly repented, felt sorry, and promised never to do it again, then you might have to consider a truce. Forgive them and correct all the things that led to that cheating incident. No relationship is a bed of roses, not even the relationship between Christ and His disciples! Mr. Judas betrayed Jesus. Peter denied Him 3 good times. Thomas doubted Him, among others. Oooops! These were simple offences, right? At least they prove that if Jesus, being God, could see ups and downs, then we humans should expect something worse.
At times the best relationships come after overcoming trials. Some relationship or family problems are launched to make you rather stronger. If you can pass through such hard times successfully, if you can make it by re-assembling your house, then you can boast of firmness in your relationship. At times your spouse ends up loving your far more better than before only if you could forgive them and give them a second chance (see more on Qualities to Look Out for Before Going into a Relationship). I tell you this, it's very much better to remain with someone you know very well - who has hurt you, felt sorry, apologised to you, and has repented - than making a new journey with a new person whose life you don't know.
Did you learn anything today? Please share your thoughts, subscribe to the blog and share this with your friends.
Thank you for the time spent.
To answer this delicate question, let's take a look at these three judgemental tools:
1. Don't React With a Final Decision at the Spot
Although depending on the enormity of an offence committed, it's not always advisable to get rid of something useful simply because it failed you for the first time. If a partner has remained the best person in your life all the while, only to find out one day that he/she has been (or has just started) cheating on you, I advise you go into solitude. Think first before taking any action. There could be reasons behind it, some of which could be caused by you! It could be a set up. At times it might not be their fault. If you catch them live somewhere outside your house, just leave the scene without any action (except you want to get hold of the intruder). But concerning your cheating partner, let them be...or amicably request that the both of you go home together. Don't do anything nasty at the moment, lest you destroy everything there is.
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| Credit: Positivemed.com |
2. What's Your Overall Rating of that Partner?
How often has that partner been good or bad to you? If you guys really had some time knowing each other before you agreed to be together, this second tool is for you. It's harder for those partners who came together by mistake (eg. unwanted pregnancy leading to unavoidable marriage, or any means through which they come together without a mutual willingness to. I see this as 'forced relationship'). What and what made you to love that partner? Why did you agree to start a life together, knowing very well there are millions of people out there you could have chosen from? Why were you attracted to them, those special stuffs you loved about them that got you tripping? Was it the person's family ethics or fame, their financial strength or close proximity to your house? Was it love (read more about love from one of our previous discussions) or the person's physical appearance, or their educational background? What got you desiring to spend the rest of your life with them? I call these 'mutual baits' because they're the things that got you two into the relationship.
If you can successfully list those things (mutual baits), then find out how many of them have been abused by the cheating partner. For instance, if 20 things got you attracted to your partner, how many of these have they abused? At the end of this thinking process, you might find some really good reasons you should rather seek a betterment of the relationship than a breakup. Life is full of funny things that only the wise can survive. It's very hard, almost impossible, I must confess, for someone to want to accept such a partner back. Cheating is a killer disease in any serious relationship. This means, if a partner commits this kind of offence, there's a high possible that it will override ALL the 'mutual baits', all the good things that made you love the person. Why not avoid it, then?
3. Remorse and Correction
Well, from the last sense we made, cheating is such a delicate offence to commit in a relationship. Its
 |
Credit:
http://tappingintoprayernow.blogspot.co.uk
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Imagine you've passed through the requirements of the first tool discussed above, Now it's time to decide whether or not to remain with that cheating partner. It's simple: if they've truly repented, felt sorry, and promised never to do it again, then you might have to consider a truce. Forgive them and correct all the things that led to that cheating incident. No relationship is a bed of roses, not even the relationship between Christ and His disciples! Mr. Judas betrayed Jesus. Peter denied Him 3 good times. Thomas doubted Him, among others. Oooops! These were simple offences, right? At least they prove that if Jesus, being God, could see ups and downs, then we humans should expect something worse.
At times the best relationships come after overcoming trials. Some relationship or family problems are launched to make you rather stronger. If you can pass through such hard times successfully, if you can make it by re-assembling your house, then you can boast of firmness in your relationship. At times your spouse ends up loving your far more better than before only if you could forgive them and give them a second chance (see more on Qualities to Look Out for Before Going into a Relationship). I tell you this, it's very much better to remain with someone you know very well - who has hurt you, felt sorry, apologised to you, and has repented - than making a new journey with a new person whose life you don't know.
Did you learn anything today? Please share your thoughts, subscribe to the blog and share this with your friends.
Thank you for the time spent.
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